I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
