party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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