sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize