I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
