The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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