I want to have your abortion
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
