All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
