Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My balls are so social today.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
