We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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