Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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