I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
True college students do jello shots in the library
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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