The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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