Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
