I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
People in love make me want to vomit
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
