I want to have your abortion
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
