Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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