Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
