dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
