what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize