So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
