funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize