you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
