I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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