Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
