yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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