the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
