I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
