y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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