just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
