I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
