just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize