and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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