peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
