I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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