I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I want her autograph on my taint
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am naked and annoyed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
