he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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