yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
