She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
