are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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