He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
