oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
