I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize