New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
