I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
