Farmville is her only friend.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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