Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Randomize
