mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
