I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
