not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
