His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
