I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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