Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
