Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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