My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
