Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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