How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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