I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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