I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
