TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
