Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
