I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
