Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
