im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
