you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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